Traumatized
by Kurissyma san Tybalt
Summary: On the night of their 3rd year as a couple, Lulu and Chappu are on their way back from a movie when their car is run off the road. When Chappu is killed in the resulting crash, Lulu must realign her entire support network... but she's not alone. LuluWakka


Traumatized 

**Prologue**

"_Oh, Yevon, Lulu!" Yuna squealed as I emerged, at long last, from the bathroom, "you look beautiful!"_

_I tried to hide my smile as I twirled around but I knew I was glowing._

"_And I can't believe it's already your three-year-anniversary with Chappu! He must be something special, huh?"_

"_As a boyfriend, yes," I said, smiling, "but I haven't yet managed to cure him of his taste in music- it's atrocious."_

"_You'll find a way," Yuna assured me, grinning. "Don't forget, the three of us start at the University of Besaid next week- he's bound to find a positive influence amongst all those scholars."_

"_University," I said, "…but I still feel like a high school student."_

"_Yeah!" Yuna agreed fervently, "after all those exams they made us take it should at least feel a little different."_

"_The exams weren't that bad," I said with a small laugh as I fiddled with my hair._

"_You only say that because you aced them!" Yuna exclaimed in mock annoyance, "It's not so easy for the rest of us!"_

_I heard the doorbell ring and fell silent, clasping Yuna's hand tight._

"_Relax," she said, smiling encouragingly, "you look great."_

"_You sure?" I asked doubtfully._

"_Perfect, Lulu!" she said, sighing in exasperation. "You're perfect. You've got a great home," she gestured around my new apartment, filled as it was with unopened boxes, "a great bestest friend," she gave me a look that meant 'me, of course', "and a totally hot boyfriend! You've got the Devil pinned in place- he's not getting anywhere near your perfect reality." I stepped back; giggling as she pinched me, "so quit worrying!"_

"_You're right!" I said, "This is my night! Nothing can get me down!"_

"_You go get him girl!"_

_Laughing, we went down to the front door and let him in._

"_Hey, Yuna," said Chappu coolly, then he turned to me, "whoa! Lulu you look great!"_

"_Thanks," I said, sounding calm, but secretly very pleased. "Wanna go?"_

"_Sure," said Chappu, "my brother's taking us- my car's in being fixed and he's around so…"_

_I held up and hand to end his babbling and he grinned sheepishly, leading me outside, "bye, Yuna!"_

"_See ya, Lulu!"_

"_Hey, brudda," Wakka, grinning as we got in the back of his car, "whoa! Chappu, your girl looks awesome!" Chappu and I both coughed loudly and he had the good grace to appear embarrassed. "Uhh, sorry. It's Lu, isn't it?"_

"_Wakka, it hasn't been that long," I said with a small smile._

_It had- I hadn't seen him since he graduated, a year before the rest of us._

"_Whatever," said Wakka, "so where do you two lovebirds want dropped off."_

"_The cinema thanks, brudda," said Chappu, sitting back in his seat._

_During the ride, Chappu and his brother both tried many times to strike up conversation, and though I tried too, we just couldn't get it going comfortably. I remember hearing something about a fight between them, but it had been a while ago. I wondered silently how long Wakka could hold a grudge._

"_Here you go," he said, as we arrived._

"_See ya, brudda," said Chappu and we got out._

_-_

This is where the dream goes bad. Yes, this is a dream, Or rather, a nightmare. And the scariest thing? It actually happened. The movie was alright, if I recall correctly, and I do, Chappu and I didn't watch much of it anyway. So it was the ride home, really, where things started going wrong.

_-_

_The music was loud. I had always hated Chappu's music, his band, RocK SOLID, quite frankly, stank, yet he always insisted on playing it in the car, which Wakka had graciously left us to get home. Besides, what could I do? Tell him I didn't like it? He doesn't complain about my music. I'm in a band too, see? Me, Yuna and her cousin, Rikku. Yuna and I sing, and Rikku provides the music- she's a total technopath. But I'm off topic, music is very distracting, don't you agree? Especially Chappu's music, which is very loud and full of swear words._

"_Eyes on the road, Mister," I instructed him, half jokingly, as he twisted to look at me._

"_But, babe, this is our song!" he protested, grinning._

_It wasn't, but I didn't say that._

_What happened next seemed to happen in slow motion, but looking back on it, it would seem it all happened in less than a second, which is probably did._

_Chappu reached over with one hand to clasp mine._

_I pushed him away with another warning about distractions._

_His arm came around my shoulder._

_I shrugged it off._

_And we swerved off the road._

_-_

I would later learn that some drunk idiot had run a red light, and Chappu was trying to avoid them, but back then I was confused. I was so confused… and damn if I wasn't terrified, just like I am every time I wake up from that horrible dream. That horrible, horrible dream… about the day I lost Chappu.

-

It's been three days, six hours and… I don't know… a couple of minutes. In war, some soldiers smash their watches when they're about to die, so that their families can know the exact time that they died. It wasn't like that with Chappu, or with my parents, there was just a lot of grey area… a lot of confusion. No charges were pressed against drunk driver; he disappeared off the face of the earth. I wasn't allowed to see Chappu's body, either- I asked to, but I was told it might distress me. I decided they were right. I probably didn't want to see. It was painful enough.

The funeral was short. Chappu wasn't Yevonite, even though I think his brother was. We sent him off with a couple of prayers to a God who doesn't care anything about me… I never had any family, only Yuna, Rikku and Chappu… now what? Now who's left to care for me like he did? Why did I live?

I didn't leave unscarred, but I was all right really. Apparently Chappu's side of the car crashed into a brick wall. I wouldn't know, of course- I was unconscious… and thank Yevon- I don't need any more nightmares.

"Lu," said Wakka softly, "do you wanna say a few words."

I looked up from my black-gloved hands, the ceremony was almost over. "No, it's all right," I said softly and Yuna clasped my hand.

"If you're sure."

Wakka got up and made a speech, which Yuna later told me was beautiful, but I, honestly, wasn't in the mood to hear it. When it was over, I lingered by the grave longer than anyone else, telling Yuna she could go on without me. She has our first day of University to get ready for tomorrow. I don't think I'll go…

"You okay, Lu?"

I turned around quickly, then relaxed, it was just Chappu's brother. "I'm… fine," I managed to say, even though we both knew that I wasn't.

"Do you want to cry?"

"What kind of question is that?"

Wakka shrugged just shrugged. "You were calm as anything throughout the entire funeral… I just wanted to let you know that you can cry if you want- I'm not going to judge you."

"I don't cry," I informed him, eyes set on Chappu's grave determinedly.

"I do," he told me and, somehow, his words touched me and I burst into tears. "It's okay," he said, then. "It's good to cry."

I didn't believe him, but as I knelt on the hard flagstones around Chappu's grave, my knees scratched red raw, his words somehow made sense. And when I stood and held him… That made sense too. It mightn't later, but now it was all right. Now, it helped.

"You're okay now, right?" he asked, eventually, and, bashfully, I pulled myself from his arms. "You'll be all right- you're the lucky one, remember?"

"I don't feel lucky," I whispered sadly.

"But you are," said Wakka, "Lucky Lu, that's what you are. It might not seem like that right now, but you'll see- it won't last forever. I promise."

I didn't see how he could make a promise like that, but I just nodded. Nodded, and naively prayed that he was right.


End file.
